1:23 a.m. I Can't sleep. I've been thinking and I miss my dad

I'm contradicting myself and past entries But I don't care because I can't help it. I guess it's just so many issues we should address because our lives just don't correlate. All the emotions that we suppress. Well, it's hard. Not having his attention. I hate working for it. A child shouldn't have to beg for love. So I give up and grow angry at myself for trying. Have you ever done something terrible just to get your father to talk to you? I have, but it doesn't work because he's to occupied with his addictions. So I'm done trying again. Sure I'm sad but I won't cry this time because I've become to good at saying good-bye to his absent relationship yet I cant help but wonder if he ever thinks about me, if he ever misses home. He hasn't seen me in ages so his memory of my must be vivid. I bet that hurts, well good it should.