11:12 p.m.I try to pace my breath so I don’t go into an anxiety attack, and now my eyes are itching and you’re no where in sight, I haven’t felt this way since freshman year. And I’ve come to realize every time a car goes by I rush to the window hoping…. because you said you’d be here soon. Your not here yet and I’m fighting myself….
I hate when I have to fight myself boo.
I hate this side of you.
You’re escaping by hanging out with them…with her. She likes you because she can’t have you. That’s the only reason why she leaves her number.
I escape by running to the shower.
Yet I contemplate why i even should, this will all blow over right?
You’ll come over and I’ll have the TV on and we’ll pretend nothing happened.
You’ll wash off your cologne and smile then kiss me on the forehead.
She’s your security blanket when we fight, and it’s stuck to the back of my head because I can smell her on you.
Yet I wont say one word because I’m happy your home.
i don’t want this. I don’t want me. I don’t want her or you or anyone. I want to get out of this hole. I hate how you make me so happy yet you can make me feel like the smallest thing in the world.